DEVELOPING YOUR KIDS’ PERSONAL FAITH JOURNEY WITH KRISTINA LENGERICH, LCSW | EP 21

How do you answer your kid’s difficult questions about God? What can you do to encourage your child’s relationship to God without influencing them with yours? Can you learn from your child’s spiritual journey?

In this podcast, Dawn Gabriel speaks with Kristina Lengerich about developing your kids’ personal faith journey.

MEET KRISTINA LENGERICH

Kristina Lengerich is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in supporting children and parents toward social and emotional health. She is a mother to two boys with hobbies in DIY home design and Zumba.

Visit her website. Connect on Facebook.

IN THIS PODCAST:

  • Deconstruct for you to reconstruct for them
  • Get curious
  • Notice the difference

Deconstruct for you to reconstruct for them

For me that’s definitely part of it. Noticing what that’s bringing up for me, being thoughtful about that and checking back in with my relationship with God … what kinds of conversations do I need to be having? … that is going to come from the example I am able to model after I do the work. (Kristina Lengerich)

When it comes to bringing your spirituality into the family, it may be beneficial to you and to your kids if you do the work first on your own relationship with God before you lend advice or guidance to your kids and their relationship with Him.

  • Have awareness and be authentic about what your own stories are,
  • Be open with your kids about religion and spirituality.

Allow your children to engage with you in conversations surrounding spirituality. It might be scary for you, but it is important that you allow them to develop their own relationship with God that is not impacted by your relationship with Him.

We don’t cookie cutter anything. We are very open and honest with them, and we talk about how that’s impacted us on the good and the hard and we try to be really fair about that, and we solicit their opinions in back-and-forth conversations. We allow them to get passionate whether it’s an agreement or it’s a disagreement because at the end of the day they’re going to own the stuff that they’ve experienced. (Kristina Lengerich)

Get curious

If your child is asking you questions about God or religion that you find difficulty in answering, get curious instead of furious or frustrated, and do not shut them down.

Ask them what their thought process was in arriving at that question, or ask them to further explain what they mean, or encourage them to give you another example.

Be curious with them instead of comparing their approach to religion to yours.

I don’t have to show up with all the answers. I don’t have them anyway, and that’s a beautiful freeing thing. (Kristina Lengerich)

You do not have to be your children’s spiritual guide. God has his own relationship with your children, and you can encourage that bonding and answer any questions that you can, but you do not have to feel like their relationship to their religion is entirely up to you.

Notice the difference

If your child is upset or frustrated, it is not a reflection of what the future will be like. All parents fear for the sake of their children and they want to provide their kids with the best possible situations, however, do put project your fears as a parent onto the emotions that your children are moving through.

Notice the difference between this moment and the distant future. Your child has an adverse reaction to something about religion does necessarily mean that they will no longer want to have a relationship with God, and it does not mean that you have failed somehow.

We start to write the narrative and a lot of times it can be fear-based. If we are picking up on emotion in the moment then my fear starts to write that narrative that I don’t know how to handle this dysregulated moment … it’s [important] taking that step back, but it is hard to do. It’s a lot of work. (Kristina Lengerich)

It is important not to meet your child’s dysregulation with more dysregulation of your own. How can you bring play and curiosity into the relationship you have with your child in times of stress? Remember that they are still small people who are also figuring things out, so offer them mercy and love.

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Resources Mentioned And Useful Links: