[DAWN GABRIEL]
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Hi, I’m Dawn Gabriel, host of Faith Fringes Podcast, recording live from Castle Rock Colorado, not only where I love to live, but I also work as the owner of a counseling center in the historic downtown. This podcast is a place to explore more than the traditional norms of the Christian culture. For those desiring deeper connection with God and engaging their spirituality in new ways, this will be a safe place to allow doubt, questions and curiosity, without judgment. We will be creating intentional space to listen in on other’s faith journeys, whether that is deconstruction or reconstruction, with the hope of traveling alongside you on your own spiritual path. If you’re interested in getting even more out of this podcast, grab my free email course Spiritual Reflections on my websitefaithfringes.com. Welcome to the podcast.

Hello, fellow spiritual explorers. This is Dawn Gabriel, your host of Faith Fringes. Today I am actually going to be doing a solo episode and I will explain more about that in a minute, but if you’ve been around with me from the beginning, I want to say thank you so much for listening and interacting with me. I’ve really enjoyed getting to hear from my listeners. If you are new to this podcast, tell a friend about it, share it, go on Apple Podcasts, formerly known as iTunes and rate and review. This helps me get in front of more listeners. In fact, I want to tell anyone listening I have social media on Facebook and Instagram. You can follow me and interact with me there. I have a lot of questions there to get you to think. Sometimes I have a survey to weigh in on and can sometimes it’s in the story, sometimes it’s just a regular post.

I like to post things on there to kind of have you start thinking and kind of dive deeper into your spirituality. And sometimes it’s just fun. I’m starting to pop on there more with some videos but yes, just follow me on Facebook or Instagram at Faith Fringes, or you can send me an email dawn@faithfringes.com. In fact, today, one of the reasons I’m coming on here is because I have been hearing from some of my listeners and it’s, I just really love knowing like how people are taking my podcasts. This journey since, I started about six months ago has been really eye opening for me in ways that I did not expect and ways that I did not preconceive that was going to happen. And it’s been so good, but honestly it has been deeper and harder than I thought.

And I wanted to jump on and just talk about that today, because I thought maybe if I’m dealing with that, maybe some of my listeners are too, as they’re listening to some of these things that we talk about. And it’s funny because as I go through each podcast and interviews I thought I had had all my deconstruction out of the way with faith or with religion. And as I’ve been jumping into some harder topics I realized I still have some more things to go or some more ways to go. However, I noticed I started getting really not, wouldn’t say distracted. I started getting kind of taking a break from it because it was heavy. And I’ll get into more details and explain what I mean, but I noticed that yes, I was surprised and it was taking me longer to like work through some of the podcasts than others.

Some of that is because sometimes people obviously have different beliefs than me and I just wasn’t sure like how to breach that if some people would be offended if I said it on the show or even the person I was interviewing would be offended if I brought stuff up. So I kind of stayed silent, but what I’m hearing from people is that they want me to weigh in more and they want me to talk more about my beliefs and my journey. And I know I shared, I said, if you’ve been with me from the beginning, you’ve probably have heard the first five episodes in my podcast. Faith Fringes episodes, one through five are all me giving kind of my story and my life history and also like my beliefs. Like I put the five pillars on there of what I really believe life is all about and how I connect to God and my spirituality and my faith journey and it’s all there.

So I feel like if you have listened from the beginning, you do know my heart and you know where I’m coming from. But some people, if they’re just jumping on to hear one episode here and there, they might not know my heart. And that’s why I wanted to come on today and talk more on what’s going on with me since I’ve started the podcast. And like I said, it’s been quite a few months and it’s been a journey. So I want to kind of jump in. I actually had two amazing conversations over the past week, one was with my best friend and another was with my husband and they were so powerful. It just also made me kind of shout out to one of my pillars, just like authentic conversations. I call it authentic community, but really it’s having real conversations, honest of spiritual nature.

So I’m going to kind of jump to the one my husband and I had it, because it was just this past weekend and it was super impactful. He was listening to one of my interviews and he came in, he was mowing the lawn and he came in and he said, “Hey, we have to talk.” He goes, “I feel like you’re not really showing up in some of your interviews. You’re not really saying what you believe. It’s more what other people believe and you’re kind of losing like who I know you to be and who you are, like, who you are grounded in God and grounded on what you believe.” And so, as we talked more, he brought up a memory that we had together, when we first started dating. It was in our first year of dating. So what is that? 16 years ago?

He took me to see Les Miserables, the Broadway Production and the Buell Theater in Denver. I had never seen, seen it before. I’d never read the book. I’d never seen the musical and it was one of our favorite dates actually. He took me to see that and, I don’t know, you probably have all heard of it or seen the movie or maybe even the Broadway Production, but Les Miserables is one of the most beautiful celebrated musicals of all times. And it’s just, as you know, it’s a story about, it follows a man who is Jean Valjean and he is a convict. He gets arrested for stealing bread to feed his hungry family and it follows him throughout his whole life. He went to prison, got out and it kind of also, I mean, it’s basically a story of God’s mercy of how to treat people, but it also compares him to inspector Javert. The inspector is a police inspector and he’s trying to get Jean Valjean arrested kind of throughout the whole narrative of the show.

And Jean Valjean is, as he grows and as he learns about kindness and human and kind of changing his life and his internal beliefs and changing who he is, you just watch how he’s so gracious and he kind of shows mercy and kindness and love to people throughout his whole life. And then contrast to that is inspector Javert. He is all about works and system and working really hard to do what’s right. And he is all about the system and following the rules and making almost like to a perfection. And at the end, sorry, spoiler alert, but at the end, there’s this huge scene near the end where he comes face to face with Jean Valjean and realizes that he was actually saved by him in the middle of a war. I mean, it’s amazing, and he actually ends up letting him go and realizes like the whole life of works and being perfectionistic and sticking to those rules just looks so different to Jean Valjean’s life.

And at the very end, one of the major songs and the quote, when I first saw this, I just was crying. It was such a beautiful story, but to me I saw Jesus. I saw God. I saw God’s design for us in life and how to treat people with compassion and mercy and love versus works, working towards our salvation and being perfect. So one of the quotes was to love another person is to see the face of God and just showing how we can live our lives treating people with kindness and compassion and mercy. And that is showing God’s love. That is showing how he truly desires us to live. And Chris had seen, Chris grew up seeing Broadway musicals. That was a big thing in his family. It wasn’t a big thing in my family.

So that was my first time seeing Les Mis and Chris, maybe his fifth time seeing it. And as we left and I was crying, it was just so beautiful to me and I felt like it was a super gospel story in my mind, I was telling him like my frame of reference and how it was just one of the most beautiful shows I’ve ever seen and he had never, ever looked at it like that. And that he tells me to this day is one of the most powerful moments in his faith journey because he grew up Catholic and it was more on works in salvation and that you need a priest to talk to God, you couldn’t have a relationship with God. That’s how he grew up, but it wasn’t really, that might not be how you’ve experienced Catholicism, but that’s how he experienced it.

So that was one of our pivotal conversations where he started to look more deeper into the relationship with God and what that meant and how living it out was so important of just being more in a loving relationship with God instead of a works relationship with God. So he reminded me of that this weekend kind of by saying Dawn, like, this is foundational to who you are. Yes, you hold space for people, but sometimes I’m not hearing you like tether back to God or connect back to God as much as I know you are to. I know that’s who you are. So I just wanted to say that I listened to that and then also parallel with, I talked to my best friend and she was saying, “Dawn, I can hear you swirling around in your head as you hold space for people,” not on the podcast, but just as I’m processing things outside of the podcast with my good friends. I started to swirl a little bit and I started to get caught up in almost deconstructing a ton more than I thought I would, which, again, I think is healthy, I think it’s healthy to doubt, but I noticed I was feeling too much feeling, the deepness and I was kind of getting lost in the swirling and in the deconstruction.

So I just needed to talk to both my husband and my best friend, and just remember like where I’m grounded and on whom I’m grounded. So I just wanted to kind of talk about that as we look at our spirituality and our feature journey. I do think there’s a little bit of difference between spirituality and religion, in my opinion. If you look at the definition of spirituality in the Cambridge dictionary, this is what it says, “the quality that involves deep feelings and beliefs of a religious nature rather than the physical parts of life.” Another one says “spiritual means relating to people’s thoughts and beliefs rather than to their bodies and physical surroundings.”

And I know spirituality is a broad concept and it has room for many different perspectives, but it has to do with having a sense of peace and purpose and like feeling connected to something bigger than ourselves, basically a search for meaning. And for me, I have connected that with God. And I know some people that might look different, it might look like Buddhism or Islam or Judaism, but to me it is Christianity. And when I say the word Christianity, I know that brings up connotations. It does for me. Sometimes I don’t like to use that word because of what that has looked like in humans lives in the church. But if we’re defining Christianity as believing in God, the Trinity and Jesus and believing that the Bible is inspired then yes, that’s what I believe. And I am a Christian. However, the thing I want to kind of go off away from that is I think there are so many different interpretations of what the Bible has said and what the Bible means.

And I don’t feel like it’s my job to tell you what you should believe about the Bible. But I do believe part of my job and purpose in life is to ask more questions and to provide sacred space, to think and talk through it together. And that is more where I’m at. So that’s why I hold a lot of space, big, gracious space for people. And I hear their stories no matter where they’re at. And sometimes I don’t comment on what I think or what I believe because I want to give that person space. So I just wanted to kind of tell you that’s my heart. I still, my heart and my hope is that people will connect to God and feel that personal relationship with Him and feel that He is bigger than what has happened to them and that He can provide a deeper meaning.

I know one of my interviews, one person is saying, I don’t even like to refer to God as a He because that brings up so much stuff for her. And I respect that. I know some people refer to God as She, and I know people freak out about that. It doesn’t bother me how you want to refer to God. What matters to me is that you’re seeking a relationship with Him and you’re seeking deeper meaning and purpose in that you get quiet with Him and you ask Him what He’s wanting, or She. Ask Her or Him what they’re wanting in your life and, how you connect to God on a spiritual level. I will use Him because that’s what I am comfortable with. That is what I’m used to, but again, you can decide and figure out for yourself how you’re connecting to God.

And I do believe I am here to give more answers if you’re wanting. I’m here to talk about whatever, but I did want to just kind of take some time today to dive in a little deeper and just tell you what’s going on in my head. So yes, I think I definitely go back to my five pillars of what I believe how people do connect to God, and that is, can be through authentic community. That could be through nature. For me, it’s more trails. You’ve heard me talk a lot about trails. That’s very spiritual to me. Also through pain and doubt and hurt. I feel like that is super spiritual, maybe in the long run, maybe not right now, but it is. It’s a way that I have connected to God.

I also think in just being curious and open, I think is huge and then just creating space to hear stories. I think you have to engage with your story. So I feel like I still go back to those and I have a lot of gracious space I hold for that and I feel it’s sacred. However yes, I am on this journey with you guys. There are things I’m still deconstructing that I didn’t realize I needed to deconstruct more. Some of that I’m reading some books that are helping and that are awesome that have helped me. One is called Jesus Feminist, and it’s by Sarah Bessey, that’s been great. I’ve been reading some of Rachel Held Evans. I forget what it’s called, like In A Year of Biblical Womanhood. It’s hilarious by the way. So yes, I’m reading some books and I’m seeing what I think my personality is.

I read a ton of books and that doesn’t mean I believe everything I read, but it means I take it into perspective, let it mull around for a while and I throw out what I don’t like or don’t believe. And I integrate the stuff I do believe. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m just reading more and I’m loving it. But yes, it’s hard at the same time and it is uncomfortable. And I honestly, my personality, I worry what people think too much. And with doing a podcast it’s hard. I don’t know what people think when I’m recording. I can’t read a room. I can’t see their faces or your faces, I should say. So I only know how people are responding when they email me or say something on social media. And that’s how I know. Or my friends tell me what they think. And I appreciate that.

So, yes, I would just like to encourage you to jump on social media, join me in Facebook, join me in Instagram. I’d love to hear more or send me an email. I’ve actually been interacting a lot with people on email and I love it because I’m hearing more of their story and sometimes I ask them to jump on the podcast. So you might hear from some of our listeners on the podcast as I interview them to tell more. And some I don’t because they are still too much in pain and they can’t get out of that right now and they just need more encouragement and more time. And so, yes, if there’s something you are wanting to hear more about, just reach out. Email me. Say, “Hey, I’d love to hear a podcast on this, or I’d love to hear more about that.” Let me know what you’d like to hear.

I did want to end though, as I’m ending this time, I did want to end with one of my favorite, actually it’s my new favorite. I was meeting with my spiritual director, one of my, I have two spiritual directors, one of them who you heard Jocelyn. She read me this prayer and it’s been a favorite. It’s become a favorite because it’s so powerful. And I’d like to end with that. I’m going to read this prayer. It’s from one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen. I don’t know if any of you have read him, but he’s amazing to read, his book, Life of the Beloved is great. Another one Inner Voice of Love is my favorite. So he reads this prayer and I’d like for you to just listen. If you’re at a place where you can stop and close your eyes, that’d be great or just take a moment to take a few deep breaths and just settle.

Just kind of notice what’s going on inside of you, what’s going on around you. I’m going to read this prayer and just notice what comes up. “Dear God speak gently in my silence. When the loud, outer noise of my surroundings and loud inner noises of my fears keep pulling me away from you help me to trust that you are still there even when I am unable to hear you. Give me ears to listen to your small, soft voice saying, come to me you who are overburdened and I will give you rest for I am gentle and humble of heart. Let that loving voice be my guide.” Just notice what came up, maybe a word or two stuck out to you or a phrase.

I’m going to read it again. Just take a few breaths, let your body and mind settle or just acknowledge what’s there. “Dear God speak gently in my silence. When the loud, outer noise of my surroundings and loud inner noises of my fears keep pulling me away from you help me to trust that you are still there even when I am unable to hear you. Give me ears to listen to your small, soft voice saying, come to me you who are overburdened and I will give you rest for I am gentle and humble of heart. Let that loving voice be my guide.”

I want to thank all of you who are listening. I appreciate your time, I appreciate your journey, and may you let the loving voice of God guide you; the voice that says come to me, you who are overburdened and I will give you rest, for, I am gentle and humble of hearts. Blessings to you.

Thank you for listening today at Faith Fringes Podcast. If you want to explore more of your own faith journey, I offer my free eight-week email course called Spiritual Reflections, where you take a deeper dive into your own story included as a journaling workbook that has guided exercises. So if you want to explore more of what you were brought up to believe, or even look at where you may have been disillusioned or hurt, but yet still deep down you desire to authentically connect with God, then this course is for you. Just go to faithfringes.com to sign up.

Also, I love hearing from my listeners, drop me an email and tell me what’s on your mind. You can reach me at dawn@faithfringes.com.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher, or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want a professional, you should find one.