[DAWN GABRIEL]
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Hi, I’m Dawn Gabriel, host of Faith Fringes Podcast, recording live from Castle Rock Colorado, not only where I love to live, but I also work as the owner of a counseling center in the historic downtown. This podcast is a place to explore more than the traditional norms of the Christian culture. For those desiring deeper connection with God and engaging their spirituality in new ways, this will be a safe place to allow doubt, questions and curiosity, without judgment. We will be creating intentional space to listen in on other’s faith journeys, whether that is deconstruction or reconstruction, with the hope of traveling alongside you on your own spiritual path. If you’re interested in getting even more out of this podcast, grab my free email course Spiritual Reflections on my websitefaithfringes.com. Welcome to the podcast.

Hello, welcome back. This is Dawn, your host of Faith Fringes. I am excited to be here today, and today is a special, different type of recording or episode because I am talking specifically for therapists today. We are going to talk about soul care for therapists. It’s going to be very tapered for therapists and very streamlined. So if you are wanting to know more about soul care in general, go back to the episode, right before this one. That will be episode 32, what is soul care and that will give an overview of soul care and kind of how I view soul care and my journey with soul care. But today I wanted to go into soul care as a therapist and why I think it is so crucial for therapist to practice soul care.

Now, this might sound weird. If you’re therapist listening, you’re probably thinking, why do I need soul care? I know all about self-care. I know about therapy. Don’t talk to me about soul care but I just want to share part of my journey and also how I think it’s different than the normal therapy track and the normal self care track. So background for those of you don’t know me, I have been a licensed professional counselor for about 16 years now and I first started out in, actually I moved out to Colorado right after graduation with my masters, and I thought I would get a job at university, because that was kind of my background; student development, life.

I couldn’t find a job. It was a way bigger a pond. Actually, it was like an ocean. I lived in Midwest and there were tons of Christian universities that I worked with five years and that’s how I did my internships and all that and I thought I could get a job out here, but there’s not a lot of Christian universities out here in Colorado. So I did not get a job that I thought I was going to get and I ended up working at a county jail, which is hilarious. I would’ve never put myself in that, but I’m so grateful I did. I worked in a jail. There was about, I think over a thousand inmates and I saw everything there. It was fascinating. I’m so grateful.

I worked almost two years and I actually met my husband there. He hates when I share this, because I joke and say, I met my husband in jail and people laugh and then they have a look, oh, was he like, who was he there? He was at the time a Sergeant on one of the shifts I was working and that’s how we met, but as our relationship got a little bit more serious, we realized we couldn’t probably work together. I was a slow death there. It was not my passion to work in that type of environment. I actually left for one of my dream jobs and it was working at a residential home with teenagers focused on, it was a private residential home. So this wasn’t like court ordered.

So these were actually parents would send their kids here and it was like right before they would maybe go to jail or they were failing out of school, but with emotional issues that they needed work on. We worked with the kids and it was a Christian residential home, a private one and we focused on wilderness therapy. So that was a dream job. I was the counseling director there and I loved it. It was super fun, but I only worked there a year because after they moved from Colorado to Kansas. So I didn’t want to move. I stayed in Colorado, but it was such a great time. Then I went and got a job at a psych hospital.

Again, the learning that I had there, I worked there for three years, that was amazing. I feel like between the jail and the psych hospital, I’ve seen everything in the DSM and it was just an incredible opportunity to work in community mental health. And then from there I went into, I was an independent contractor in a private practice with a few other people. You might know one of the therapist, especially if you are listening. You know Whitney Owens. She and I worked at the same group practice as independent contractors and that was our first start and we got to know each other because we had worked at the psych hospital together.

Anyway, all that to say is we started working and I started working there as an independent contractor and then I I went on maternity leave with my first child. My boss at the time I came back, my baby was only four weeks old, I was just visiting her and everyone and she was like, I’m letting everyone go. I’m like what? She’s like, it’s bloody Monday. We’re letting everyone go. All the therapists are done today. What the heck is happening right now? I still was not okay. I was only four weeks postpartum and had struggled with some anxiety and hormonal stuff. So it was a shock, but within a week, five of us out of maybe seven of us there decided to start our own group practice.

So within a week we had an office, a website and we launched our group practice. It wasn’t your typical group practice. We just rented space together and marketed together, but everything else ran through ourselves individually. We just liked working together and we ate lunches together and we just referred to each other to one another, but we all ran everything else ourself. It was so fun. I loved, that was about three years I did that and then a lot of them moved. There was two that moved and then one, no, maybe three moved. Three out of the five moved. So at that time we had moved to a different city and so I decided I was going to start a group practice, a real legit one and I started a group practice.

That was six and a half years ago. Then I had my second son, sorry, all these details will make sense in a minute. I had my second son and I really didn’t know what I was doing for the first three years of group practice because it was mainly like, how can I make money and take three months off to stay home with my son? That was the initial thought. Then I was also like the town I lived in and really needed counseling center. It was not oversaturated at the time. Today is very different, but six and a half years ago, there were hardly any therapists here in Castle Rock. I also had noticed in the town that unfortunately there were three suicides in the high school back to back and I was like, this town needs them mental health.

So I started a counseling center. I was super passionate about it and I decided this time I’m going to more, I want to create a space for my team that we all have the Christian faith but we’re not going to overtly advertises that. We’re going to, it’s going to be a part of our team, but we can sit with clients wherever they’re at, which any therapist should be able to do that anyway. But as a team, we wanted that to be a core value. So that’s kind of what I launched and it is our specialty to integrate the Christian faith. That’s something we’re very specialized in. But as I was doing that, I don’t know if any of you can relate, you’re a mom of two young kids or a parent of two young kids. You’re running a group practice. You’re seeing clients. You’re pouring into not only your clients, but you’re pouring into your group team members and I just found myself burned out and feeling a little crazy.

I couldn’t keep it up. It was way too much. I was seeing about 20, 25 clients and I just had nothing left to give. And unfortunately my family had the worst of it. So I knew something needed to change. I was not happy. I couldn’t keep doing life this way. But I mean, I loved my family. I loved my job. I loved my work, but I did not love my life if that makes sense. So I actually took some time to start realizing I need to get back to what I believe is true. I had kind of let go of some deep or spiritual values that I held. Like even looking back when I started my professional career, sometimes I think being a therapist can actually be more harmful, was more harmful to me in my spiritual journey because I became an expert in how to deal with anxiety and depression and all the things that go with what we see clients for.

So I kind of turned that inward of I’ll go to therapy and I already know all these coping skills. I just need to work the coping skills and work the system and figure this out and get better. I had some trauma had to work through and I got EMDR and it was amazing. But actually EMDR is one of the things that I started exponentially connecting to God more in a way I had never connected to him before. So I knew there was something there that was missing and it was a deep, spiritual soul connection with God. I have a very educational of God. I have a very head knowledge of God and I’m appreciative of that. I have a background of that, but I feel like I didn’t have an experiential experience of a deep soul connection with God as much as I didn’t know, but that’s what I was desiring.

So some of that shows up as being discontent or like just feeling like apathetic, like I don’t care, this is not working. So I would just try more therapy and try more EMDR. Well, actually EMDR was super sole care for me, but try more therapy, read more books, push myself, but it wasn’t until I realized this is a spiritual issue. This is where I’m going to find deep change and deep restoration and it’s based on my value. So some of you listening might not have that as a value, so this might peak your interest and others, you might have that as a value. And I would challenge you to look at this more spiritual side of yourself of therapy. So I will go back and talk about for a minute, the difference between self-care and soul care and therapy.

So I talk about it in episode, right before this, but the difference is with self-care in charge of it. It’s up to you. You can take, make time for it, you can have boundaries, you can go do activities that bring you renewal, but with soul care, you’re not in charge. You’re in charge of making space and intentionally practicing it, but there’s a spiritual element that you are not in charge of. It is more of like a relationship. God is in charge of it, the holy spirit, Jesus or whatever your beliefs are on spirituality. There is a spiritual realm to it and that is something we are not in control of. And that is very different than treatment plan to say, and these coping skills and for me, when I did do EMDR, it was this whole place of this creative left and right brain like coming together and this healing on a very spiritual level for me.

So that’s kind of how I look at soul care. There’s this element of which you don’t know what is going to be, unless until you dive in and just be. So a lot of it for soul care is slowing down, creating space to be in the presence of God and connecting with Him on how He views you. What does He think about you? Not what the world thinks, not what your team thinks, not what your clients think, not what your reviews are on Google or not what your social media. It’s what does God think? It’s this deep grounding connection. So as I started exploring that, and I would say it’s been the past three years that I’ve really been diving in, it’s been like life changing and amazing and way more healing than I’ve experienced in the past with my faith journey.

So that’s why I got really passionate about it. And why am I passionate about it for therapists? Because I think it is crucial for therapists for a few reasons. Let me talk about that. As a therapist, we hold sacred space for others. It’s sacred. You’ve seen it. You’ve seen the dynamic of the relationship changing people’s lives. You’ve seen the dynamic of when they are free from their trauma, when they’re free from their struggles, how that is transformational and you’ve sat with it and it feels sacred. And for a lot of you, it is very purpose driven of this is why I was created, like to be a therapist. It is very huge.

So I think with that sacred space comes so much energy and so much pouring out and being really honest with yourself and being real that, but sometimes it can be draining. And if you are not getting filled up in a deep way, you’re going to burn out or you’re going to be resentful or it it’s just not going to work. So when I look at this, I kind of, so the one thing is sacred space. The other thing is there’s this therapist matrix. It’s what I call it. My friend and I we were talking one day and she said something like the matrix and I’m like, that’s what it is. It’s a matrix because you know too much, you’re running a business, you know your own triggers, you know your team’s triggers.

It’s like too much to hold all that space and sometimes it drives you crazy when you see way too much, like you’re in conversation with your friends and you kind of start reading into things because you can see beneath what they’re really saying, or even with your partner. I mean, or with your team, and you’re like, “When do I say things? When do I not?” Like I remember struggling in friend groups until I got more authentic with them of, do they want me to say this or do I just not? And when am I being too much of a therapist and when can be myself? It was a struggle. So I call it the therapist matrix, but it goes even up a notch if you own a group practice because you’re dealing with that on a whole nother level and you’re a business owner.

So it’s like an extra whammy so to speak. So to me, that’s what threw me of the edge. And there’s so much stuff you can never predict what’s going to happen. So there’s so much stuff that always brings up your stuff like your issues that you need to deal with. So soul care is for me, I think crucial to having a healing place, to just super refuel and refresh you on a deep spiritual level because the work you’re doing is amazing and it’s sacred and it’s intense and it’s hard and you need time to refuel a huge level of that. So I would say, I’ve worked with a lot of therapists in my community. I’ve worked with a lot of therapists, virtually all over the a nation and I’m shocked at how much we as therapists don’t take care of ourselves.

Again, I’m not talking self care. I’m talking about deep level take care of ourselves. There’s so many times, like if you’re not getting triggered, you’re not doing something right in my opinion. Now it’s what we do with our triggers. I think that could be healthier, unhealthy as you know, but we’re always going to be learning. We’re always, even if we have healing on some area, it’s still going to get touched and be a little ougy or a little, ooh, that that was uncomfortable. So it gets messy and if you are not, so many therapists, aren’t doing their own work. They’re not going to therapy. I was one of them. I mean, I was going to therapy, but I wasn’t doing the deep work that I truly knew that would help me.

So I hesitate to share stories because they’re, I mean, I want to get permission so I’m not going to share stories, but there’s tons of stories where you’d be shocked that therapists, as you know therapists are real. We have stuff go on. We’re not immune to it and that shows up in our work and we have to take care of ourselves. So I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir but sometimes our position as the expert can be a deterrent though, because we think we know everything. So at least for me, I was like, I don’t need God. I just need this, work through this anxiety myself, or work through some depressive moments myself.

I started getting distanced from God. So when I started getting back into researching soul care, I realized, oh my gosh, this is like coming home. This is what I truly believe and this is what I want to do. So I started diving into more things and I started getting really good at learning what brings me life, what brings me death, so to speak and what refuels me, what drains me on that deep spiritual level. Some of it you do. You have to work through maybe your preconceived notions or maybe you were brought up in a faith culture or your own religion, I mean, the religion that you’re brought up with has some negative connotations and you might need to work through that. And that’s okay. I do that a lot with this podcast on different formats but as a therapist, you’re not immune to that.

So maybe got to dig back and look, what was my faith journey like, what was my religious journey like, and do I need some healing in that area? So I’m going to ask some questions that might help you look and see if there’s any yellow flags or red flags going on that might be signs that you might need to dive into soul care more. So for me, I like to joke and say, these are the funny signs, but there’s deeper meanings. I like to say when I start thinking about selling my business and just opening a coffee shop because I love coffee shops, actually, I don’t even drink coffee be I like chai, but I just love sitting in a coffee shop and reading and just being. That’s when I know it’s a sign for me that something’s not right. I’m too stressed out if I really am considering that.

Another one is I binge watch Netflix. Like in a week I will finish a series. I don’t know if I have time for that, but yet I force myself to do it because I have to escape. But you know what, neither of those are actually going to bring me true life happiness. It’s just a distraction and I’m not paying attention to my soul. That’s what I’m saying. Another one is I drink too much wine. I feel like all of us know what happened during COVID the first few months. I feel like you all know the alcohol sales went way high. I discovered box wine. It was not pretty. Anyway, maybe I was TMI here but I know if I’m drinking more wine than as usual that something’s off. Because to me it’s more about the disconnect. I need to disconnect when I’m home. I can’t handle it. I can’t be present.

For me, that’s a red flag for my soul that I need to take care of my soul. Another one is, this is a funny one, I think all you group practice owners will laugh at this one. It’s when I’m obsessing of about the pillows in my offices. I get so upset if they don’t put the pillows back in the right place and they just leave them all crumpled because we leave all our doors open. We’re in a cute small house and we leave the doors open when we leave so that when clients come in, it feels welcoming like a house. So they don’t have the pillows, which is hilarious, because my pillows are at my house are always on the floor. I have two boys. I don’t even care but at the office, when I start obsessing about the pillows, it’s not about the pillows. It’s really, that’s a soul issue that my soul’s not being taken care of.

I know that sounds crazy, but bear with me. You probably have some. So I want you to really think through what are my funny red flag, but what’s underneath them and what’s this really about? So sometimes, are you saying I will rest when I reach this amount of money or I will rest when this issue is solved in my office or it’s almost like productive time is more valuable to you than your own soul care time. Are you working on your days off? Do you have strong boundaries around working? Do you have anyone in your life to challenge you on a personal and spiritual level or are you the only one on the top? Are you the leader that gets lonely up there and do you have someone at your level who can challenge you, who can speak into that place as a business owner, as a therapist, as a believer in faith? Do you have someone who can really challenge you? That’s important. I think there’s things we can’t do on our own and I’ve hired a few spiritual directors over the years and it’s been instrumental. I love my spiritual directors.

Another question to think is, do you just find that every relationship is sucking the life out of you? I’m not talking at work, but even personal. That’s a flag. Do you find yourself living in scarcity mindset too much, so you’re making decisions out of fear, you’re not really having an abundance, but you’re just making a lot of fearful decisions with your business or even with your kids? Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other group practice owners or private practice owners and is it more about the comparing and trying to be better?

I mean get real. You might not say that to anyone’s face, but are you really doing that on social media? Does social media make you depressed when you read it because you feel like other people are doing better? For extroverts, which I am, do you take over the conversations when you do go out with friends because you finally have a place where you can talk and you have nowhere else to talk, you haven’t created that space in your life so you kind of are too much when you go out? For introverts, are you not getting out enough or is it easier to just read books and stay home and make an excuse of why you’re not connecting and it looks really good, but no one can call you out on it?

Or, like for me, were you really good at your job and successful, but your family life is suffering? And I know there’s some shame there. At least for me, I had to really deal with that like, no, I need to create this space. Even though I feel better when I go to work I still have to come home. And it’s like you’re like this huge boss at work and everyone’s listening to you, but then you go home and, like my nine year old can cut my legs off within a second and I’m like, okay, we have so much disrespect here. But anyway, that’s what I’m saying, like the balance of, I have to spend more time at home, even though it does feel good sometimes.

I’m just being honest. I hope I’m not sharing too much, but I’m just trying to be honest that you guys can feel connected to as well and that you’re not alone, but it’s also a flag. Like when I’m spending too much time working and not enough time with my family, that is a flag for me. I need more soul care because I need more poured into me than I’m pouring out. So kind of ask yourself those questions. I can put those in the show notes, if that will help you journal some more. I have a few more questions to think, like to kind of notice where do you feel more disconnected versus connected? That could be with personal relationships because if we’re looking at soul care as everything is spiritual and everything is interconnected, then that could be a spiritual sign if you’re feeling really disconnected from your friends, like your deep friends that you usually feel connected to.

That could be a sign. Where do you feel resentment in thinking of your team members? Resentment is a huge thing. I think if you can stay with your resentment long enough, it actually is beautiful to show you where you need boundaries. But it also is a flag for, do you need more pouring into because usually, my resentment is when I need some change and my boundaries are often I need to pour into myself more in the soul care aspect. Are you surviving more than you’re thriving? There’s a difference. Are you losing sleep over your business? Are your anger and irritability levels getting out of hand? Are you withdrawing more from more people in your life, important people in your life? Do you find yourself being really critical with everyone around? Do you have low energy to engage with people your personal life because you’ve spent it all? Do you tend to avoid conflict at work instead of addressing it directly, like with your team? Do you tend to just, “I can’t do this. I’m not, I’m just going to let conflict go.”

And it affects your business. When in reality you need to address it. Or have you not noticed any triggers at work lately? Really I feel like running a group practice or even running your own private practice brings up all your issues. It makes you deal with some stuff you’ve thought were hidden or you thought were already dealt with. It brings it up. It’s a constant growing experience in my opinion. I’ve done it for six and a half years group and probably 10 to 13 years private practice. So if you’re not growing and triggered, you’re doing something wrong.

It’s or like again, you guys know counter transference. That’s a huge one. Counter transference with team members or with your clients. I mean, I feel like we know clients, but when it happens with team members, it’s harder because you really care about your team members and they work closer with you and their therapists. Like again with the therapist matrix, we know too much sometimes. We see too much and this is where it comes into play when there’s some triggers with team members. So let’s just, I want, you just really get real with so care for yourself as a therapist and just leaving space for all of that matrix stuff and really ask yourself where do I get soul care? What can I do? Where do I need it?

Some of the things that I recommend is finding a spiritual director, finding someone who can integrate, who knows the therapy world, can integrate spiritual direction and can help you with soul care. I recommend things like Lectio Divina. Actually the EMDR flash technique can be really spiritual if someone is trained in using that. I’ve used that with clients. I’ve seen a lot of spiritual stuff with EMDR in general, but someone who’s more trained in positive psychology with that can also do some soul care with you. It’s fascinating. I love using that.

I recommend soul care days, soul care retreats. A lot of this you can find on my website. I will be talking about it more and lot of it you can find on my podcast. I hopefully integrate a lot more spiritual direction there as well, but I would just, those are some things that I do to really connect. I also try to find podcasts that help me connect with God more. Again, if we’re looking at everything as spiritual, and that’s what I talk about in my soul care episode, like what is soul care, it’s all interconnected. We can’t just keep ourselves separated. We have to integrate our spirituality if that is a belief of ours. It’s like we need to integrate it because everything can be spiritual.

So I just encourage you to find out what works for you, to really be honest, answer those questions, go back and look through them and take some time journaling. I think it’s so important for therapists to do it because therapists hold sacred space for others and you are an important asset. You are probably the biggest asset for your job. I remember when I read this article once, I’m sorry, I can’t remember who wrote it, but she was talking, she was a therapist and she was talking about how think of an insurance advisor who’s coming in to inspect what needs to be, like just to go over insurance and the assets of your house. So when someone’s looking at your business, actually you are the biggest asset. If you burn out or even if you get sick, you can’t make money.

You are an important asset and you have to protect that. You have to put time off, you have to put boundaries, you have to put soul care are into your working week. That’s how I’ve had to do it. I’ve had to create space because I can’t do it sometimes when my kids are home and it’s really hard when everything’s going. So sometimes when I can’t get away for a day or a weekend, I’ll do it, the first hour after I drop the kids off to school, I don’t schedule anything. So eight to nine is my time to go on a hike and just hike with God. That’s what I do. That’s my short term. Long-term is I do like doing soul care days, soul care retreats. And I meet with spiritual directors, but to me that’s my more regular routine. So I challenge you to find what works for you, where are you experiencing God and where can you feel connected with?

So in closing, I do want to talk about something I am passionate about. I am going to start offering retreats for therapists specifically around soul care and I’m only going to keep it for therapists because I think when you’re in a group with a non therapist, it’s really hard to be as real as you need to be. Also, I don’t know if you’ve been in a group of therapists at like a retreat, probably a conference, but remember when we used to be in person by the way. Remember all the amazing talks you had over dinner or lunch and breakfast, or even after the conference at night while you’re in your hotel room. Just so amazing conversations happened off the conference times.

So that’s what I want to create with therapists, give them space and slow down, do a lot of soul care exercises, but give a lot of space and time for conversations, for individual, just relaxation time for yourself to really refuel, connect with yourself, connect with God and connect with others who get it. So I am going to be, actually doing a beta test for this type of retreat. I’m accepting 10 applicants or 10 people, I’m accepting applicants for people who want to go, but I am looking for 10 therapists to come with me on this retreat. It will be in Colorado. It’s going to be in the black forest, North Colorado Springs. For those of you who are from Colorado, it’s closer to monument, but it’s called the hideaway, a retreat center.

It’s beautiful. We’ll have three hot tubs. It’s going to be in January and I’m looking for people to come and do a beta test, because I want to start doing these retreats because I’m so passionate about it. It’s going to be January 14th through the 16th next year, 2022. It’s going to be two nights, three days. So if you’re interested, reach out to me at dawn@faithfringes.com, send me an email and I will send you a link to set up a time to interview and apply for it. We’ll just, it’s probably be 20 to 30 minutes. We’ll talk through to see if you’re a good fit for this type of retreat.

Again, and because of beta testing, I’m not going to charge full price. It’ll be a really reduced rate. So you can have your own room if you want, or if you want to split it and save some money and you have a friend that’s a therapist that can come, you guys can have a lesser rate for that room. But there’s going to be three hot tubs. There’s going to be nature trails. It’s in the forest. It’s really peaceful. It’ll be beautiful. They have a prayer labyrinth. They have this all inclusive. Your meals are included, your room and board. We’re going to do spiritual direction with the group. We’re going to do exponential group soul care and don’t forget the solo time and the great conversations that we’ll have with other therapists.

So let me know if you’re available. $429 is the price and that’s all included. So the only thing you would have to do is make your way here. Whether you have to buy a plane ticket or if you live in Colorado, it’s an easy drive. So let me know, by sending me an email, dawn@faithfringes.com, for those of you who want to get in and apply as my beta testers. It will never be this low again because $429 is really just covering the room, food and experts or activities. It’s not covering all the input that goes into it. I just would love your feedback. I’ll have a questionnaire and I just really want to spend some time processing what it was like for you after you leave. So I just require probably 30 minutes of your time afterwards and a questionnaire to fill out. So those are my, what I’m asking for my beta testers, if that’s something you’re interested in, reach out to me today. I’m so excited.

Thanks for listening. I hope you found something that you can take with, you can get really excited about diving into more your spiritual side of yourself. Thanks again. Take care.

Thank you for listening today at Faith Fringes Podcast. If you want to explore more of your own faith journey, I offer my free eight-week email course called Spiritual Reflections, where you take a deeper dive into your own story included as a journaling workbook that has guided exercises. So if you want to explore more of what you were brought up to believe, or even look at where you may have been disillusioned or hurt, but yet still deep down you desire to authentically connect with God, then this course is for you. Just go to faithfringes.com to sign up.

Also, I love hearing from my listeners, drop me an email and tell me what’s on your mind. You can reach me at dawn@faithfringes.com.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher, or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want a professional, you should find one.