THE UNEXPECTED GOOD THAT CAME FROM MY EXPERIENCE WITH COVID | EP 27

[DAWN GABRIEL]
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Hi, I’m Dawn Gabriel, host of Faith Fringes Podcast, recording live from Castle Rock Colorado, not only where I love to live, but I also work as the owner of a counseling center in the historic downtown. This podcast is a place to explore more than the traditional norms of the Christian culture. For those desiring deeper connection with God and engaging their spirituality in new ways, this will be a safe place to allow doubt, questions and curiosity, without judgment. We will be creating intentional space to listen in on other’s faith journeys, whether that is deconstruction or reconstruction, with the hope of traveling alongside you on your own spiritual path. If you’re interested in getting even more out of this podcast, grab my free email course Spiritual Reflections on my websitefaithfringes.com. Welcome to the podcast.

Welcome back to the Faith Fringes podcast. This is Dawn Gabriel, your host. Today I am doing a solo recording because I just got back from my own little hike that I try to do in the mornings and to just connect with myself, connect with God and man, it was a phenomenal walk; and not necessarily the actual hike, but just what was going on in my spirit, what was going on in my mind and I am so excited to just share some of my thoughts with you. The last month has been really intense for me. For those of you who followed me on social media or who know me personally you know that myself and my entire family came down with COVID and we all had different versions of it, but I got hit the hardest and was laid out for at least two weeks where I could barely move, so much pain and it was really hard for me.

So I will go into some of the facts of that because I’m not here to change your mind on whether you should vaccinate or not, or whether you should mask or not. That’s a personal preference. I know there’s so many opinions on it and that I don’t feel like it’s my place in life to influence on that. I believe it’s your own personal choice and I will just give you facts and you can do with it as you want. But the deeper thing that I want to talk about is what I have learned because of getting COVID. I feel like it was a spiritual experience for me, a hard one, but coming out of it, I’m a week off of COVID and feeling great by the way where I was worried I wasn’t going to get better at one point.

So yes, my personal passion and goal in life, as you guys know, if you’ve been listening to my podcast is my goal is more, how can I create an invitation for you to get closer to God? That is what I’m super passionate about sharing today, because it has been a hard month for me. But at the same time, it’s been a very rich month of learning and just being open to what God is trying to share. So let me just give you some facts. My husband and I decided to vaccinate, and so we got vaccinated back in February of 2021 when it came out. We’re both frontline workers. He’s a police officer and obviously I own a counseling center so we both decided to get vaccinated. We worked through the whole pandemic. We were exposed multiple times before we were vaccinated and never came down with COVID.

We have two sons ages, nine and five. They were also exposed multiple times, never contracted COVID. So in February, March, I got my vaccinations and continued working and my kids started school this fall. Our school was a charter school. It was parent’s choice to mask or not. So some kids were masked, some kids were not masked and within the first two weeks, my oldest son was exposed both my kids were exposed to COVID and my oldest contracted it first. Now, he was in fourth grade and he came home and we got the email that he was exposed. He wasn’t showing any symptoms, but by the next day he had headache and he said, my throat kind of hurts. And we’re like, okay. But we also knew colds were going around, viruses are going around so we just like we’ll just watch and kind of keep him away from people.

But then he developed a little cough and I’m like, okay, we got to get him tested because of the exposure. So we got him tested, but by the time that was over the weekend, so there were no nothing was really open. So we went to get him tested and by then, that was Monday, by Monday night, I started developing symptoms. I’m like, I’m a little achy and my throat hurts a little bit, but I don’t know if it’s allergies because I have allergies and with all the fires in Colorado or in California that were coming over I wasn’t sure. But Monday night when I went to bed, I woke up with chills sweats, shaking, and I was like, this is probably COVID. So I got tested on Tuesday as well as my husband. He started feeling stuff too, and we all came back positive. My boys were literally better within two days, minor colds. Like it would just look like a cold.

They were fine, full of energy, they were able to play on the trampoline, run around which I was super grateful. There was one day there was a fever in my youngest, but other than that they were great. My husband and I got sick really fast to the point we were exhausted, like we could barely keep our eyes awake during the day. So we kind of took some shifts because we still have our boys with tons of energy, they have to eat, we did a lot of TV for them while we slept on the couches or in our bedrooms. We just took shifts. For those of you who haven’t had COVID, obviously I know you probably have heard it’s different for every person. My husband was more rollercoaster up and down. He’d have burst of energies, but I was like consistently exhausted achy.

It felt like a sinus infection. It felt like strep throat. It felt like the flu, like all at once. Tons of headaches. It was really awful. I’ve never been that sick in my life. There was one point, the second week that my breathing started getting bad and it hurt so bad, my lungs hurt so intensely to breathe that I got scared. So I got one of those, the oxygen, I think it’s called oximeter for your finger and my oxygen was going from 82 to 92. It was fluctuating. So I went into urgent care to check that out. They tested me for pneumonia, blood clots, all that, nothing. They said I was fine. They gave me some fluids and said just take Advil and Tylenol and I’m like, “I feel the worst I felt in my life. Can’t you give me anything?”

And I don’t know if you guys know, but in Colorado it’s a state that very much is all about prevention and vaccine and not so much on treatment. So I got nothing. I know other states are giving a lot of treatment and people are getting better fast. So you might’ve heard opinion slip out there. I’m trying to figure out why in the world I didn’t get anything. So I went home. I could barely walk. Like it hurt to breathe. It hurt to walk, my lungs, it’s like I tell people we have an incline in Castle Rock. It’s like, imagine running up the incline, which is like 200 stairs or is it 400? It’s a lot of stairs and if you run so fast, you can’t breathe. You have to stop and catch your breath and it hurts your lungs. That’s what it felt like, just normal breathing for me, pain if I took a deep breath.

So it was just confusing to me that they couldn’t give me anything for that. Anyway, let’s fast forward to like day 12. I finally called a doctor. Our insurance has 24 7 healthcare. I called the doctor and said, something has to change. This is not okay. I’m not getting better and he finally gave me antibiotics and a steroid prednisone and within a day I was feeling better, so, so grateful. And then he, anyway, all that to say is during this time though, I just want to give you some facts about COVID that I viewed, I just said, but during that time, those two weeks I had forced rest. I was in my bed a lot just feeling miserable, but I also noticed my thoughts started spiraling.

I started having a lot of anxious and fear-based thoughts and that’s when I was like, okay, God, I need help. I reached out to some friends for prayer and I said, I need truth right now because I am really spiraling in my head. I’m focusing on fear and anxiety and like, what if I go in the hospital? What if I die? I mean I was scared. So shout out for Authentic Community. Having people around you, that’s one of my pillars of the podcast, that Faith Fringes is having authentic community. When you are really struggling, whether it’s physically or mentally or emotionally, you need a group of people to reach out to. And I was struggling in many ways and I reached out and these people gave me truth, they gave me strength when I needed it and reminded me of who God was, no matter what the circumstances.

So that’s when my spiritual journey began. It was probably halfway through COVID. I remember the one night when I reached out, because I knew I could tell, I recognized the anxiety within my soul. It’s like that old enemy friend that comes back and you’re like, no, I know how to fight this, but I’m just too weak. So I just remember sitting there listening to some songs, some worship songs and claiming some truths that I know God has promised us. And I remember just crying and letting go and saying, God, I’m scared. I feel like this is never ending. I need you. And I feel like He met me there. I literally, I think it was a couple hours I just sat there and listened to music. I also listened to one of my favorite apps called Soul Space, shout out to Soul Space. If you want to download that app, it is my all-time favorite app for just spiritual meditation and their main theme is anchoring your thoughts to the love of God and that’s what I needed right then.

So I just sat there and let the spirit move and I prayed for healing. So that started my spiritual experience and then I was able to kind of clear my head and really open more to what does God have for me in the midst of this horrible COVID, I don’t know is a disease, a virus, horrible virus. There you go. And during that time, I just felt like He wanted to share some things with me and some of it was, there was a lot of stuff, but one was, who am I when I can’t work, when I couldn’t do the podcast, I couldn’t reach out to my team who I love. I couldn’t see clients. So where’s my purpose in life? Is it all wrapped up in what I’m doing and what I give or can I just still have purpose and worth just laying her so sick doing nothing?

And even like my purpose as a mom, I could barely, there were days I couldn’t feed them and my husband was sick too and we were like, please go get a Lunchable or eat whatever you want and watch whatever you want. It was like, or I could like maybe make soup for everybody. It was so hard. I felt like I couldn’t even do basic stuff. That was just really hard for me and I did not realize that it would impact me that way. I did have some good friends drop stuff off and I was so grateful. We had one friend drop off a door dash gift card. We had another one drop off some popsicles for the kids. My sister-in-law was here. She was amazing, brought tons of food that was easy to just grab. She was a godsend that week, too.

So many people helped and that was humbling. I’m used to being on the other end, helping people, but it was really good to just feel loved by the community. So that was, I felt like there were so many rich moments of learning, accepting community, accepting truth and focusing and claiming the truth during the midst of what was physical and mentally hard. And then as I was coming off of COVID and finally feeling better, one of my good friends who is in my community on a deep level, sent out a text to us and said, “Hey, have you guys heard of this book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Comer? I have to probably, where’s the book? I need to find it because I’m going to be quoting it later.

She’s like, it’s life changing. And I’m like, oh, that’s a huge statement. So I ordered the book, got it and when I was feeling better, I started reading it and wow, it’s exactly what I needed to hear. I feel like this is where God was like, I’m going to be teaching you some deep things. The concept of this book, again, it’s The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry and it’s basically saying that in this society today in America, we value busy-ness over everything. Like, think about it. The last time someone’s how are you doing? You’re like, I’m great, but I’m super busy. Or I’m super busy with this and super busy with that and I’m hustling and it’s almost like a sign of success, a sign of worth.

With this busy-ness and this hurry the author is pointing out that it’s a direct correlation to our relationship with God and our relationship with others that it’s like the opposite of love, like hurry and busy-ness is the opposite of love. And he quoted, I believe it was Corrie Ten Boom, I could be wrong, because I don’t have the book in front of me and he quoted Corrie Ten Boom or somebody else in end. He said, “If the devil can’t make you sin, he’ll make you busy.” So basically the premise was like, if you read about the evil in the Bible, the evil one in the Bible, he talks about, he’s not going to come out all obvious. He’s going to be subtle. He’s going to prowl around like a lion seeking who he can devour and he’s going to be cunning. And part of that, the author saying, I believe this is busy-ness.

Like, busy-ness think about it. Think about the last time as a parent, you’re rushing your kids out the door because you have somewhere to go, for me it’s mornings when you have school and work and there’s a timeframe on it. Think of how peaceful and amazing and loving you are as a parent then. No, it’s my worst time of the day. It’s like we have to leave by 7:30. I’m like a drill Sergeant, barking out orders and you just don’t have enough time. No matter how early the kids get up there’s never enough time. You’re always running around late, at least for me. Maybe you guys have figured it out. So I’m always when I’m hurried and have a place to get to, I’m not the most loving parent. It breaks relationship. And this book, I’m only in like a third of the way in, I can’t wait to read the rest, but it was just so convicting the first third of what does hurry, living hurry, and hurried and busy and hustling, what does that do to your relationships and how much that has kept us from God even?

That’s what I feel like the biggest thing for me. God has been inviting me in the last, I would say two years of Dawn I want quiet time with you. I want some slowing down. In fact, when I do some guided imagery with either spiritual directors or even myself as I’m hiking, I feel like when I always have the question come up, like what is the invitation from God here? Where are you hearing Jesus show up? What’s he asking you? I always very clearly for the last, at least year, maybe two years, Jesus says to me, walk with me. And I’m all ready for like this profound, huge statement from God where He says, drop some profound truth bonds, but it is consistently walk with me, not run, not hike a mountain, not train for a marathon, but walk with me.

And as I say that, what comes up for you? The invitation to just walk with me is not much doing. It’s literally like walking. To me that’s an invitation to slow down, to relax, to connect, to just chill it but to be in that space with someone, in this case with Jesus. Walk with me, just walk, just be in my presence. You don’t have to do anything. I just want to enjoy being with you. So that has been the invitation I have specifically heard for two years and in the book, Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, I think it was in the first chapter. He actually talks about why do you think in the Bible, it talks about walking with Jesus and he goes into that.

I was like, okay, this book, okay, God, I’m hearing you loud and clear. This book is going to impact me. He talks about walking with Jesus. So that is not only that, then on top of that I went back to work this week and I felt like God had more for me. Even the podcasts I was listening to, shout out by the way, to Faith in Practice with Whitney Owens, I was listening to one of her and I believe her guest was Jane Carter. Don’t quote me on that. I’m sorry. This is the first podcast, by the way, that I’m recording that I don’t have notes. I usually have an outline and notes, but I felt really strongly that God said, go record this podcast. Don’t plan for it. Just speak from your heart. So that’s why I don’t have all my facts straight.

So I believe it was Jane Carter Whitney was interviewing and I listened to that podcast this week and they were talking about how God invites us to not live in fear with our businesses and to take risks and enjoy the messy process, even if we don’t get the results. And again, so it just kind of spoke to me of Dawn, it’s not about the end goal. It’s not about hustle. It is about slowing down and enjoying the process. I was like, okay, these are like some major themes that are coming up that I don’t think I would have heard if I hadn’t had two weeks laying in my bed to slow down. It was like a forced slowing down. I didn’t like it. It was super hard, but super powerful and spiritual for me.

So that podcast impacted me. The book impacted me. And then today I am hiking and this is also what impacted me. I was listening to a Rob Bell podcast, his newest podcast about just how Jesus, how radical he was and how he was like enemy of the state with the Pharisees and the religious leaders and the wealthy leaders. He ultimately, if you look at His life, He was executed. If you’re looking at some facts, but yet how His message was so counter-cultural and counterintuitive. And again, it’s just a reminder to slow down and walk with Jesus and it’s going to be counterintuitive the slowing down. And then even on top of that I met with my spiritual director yesterday, Carla, and I was just processing things and one of the hugest truths I came away with her she said, we were talking about how in leadership or in running a business or when you’re in leadership sometimes, not sometimes, but usually she said something like your strengths and how God created you is also where the fall meets you the most or where you feel the fall the most.

What does she mean? Or what do I mean when we say the fall? The fall of man, like we mean when sin entered the world. I know when some people hear the word sin, including me, sometimes you cringe because it’s been like beat over your head, don’t sin and blah, blah, blah. But really like it’s life. Life happens. We have to be real with our personalities and real with who we are, if we want any type of growth. So I was really diving into, yes, sometimes my strength is also where I get hit the hardest with the negative side of my personality or the shadow side. You’ve probably heard that term. And we have to be honest, there’s both strengths and weaknesses in the same space and that is where I love when she said that it kind of clicked and made sense of why I can feel so good and in my strength, but yet there are these little tugs pulling me out.

And it’s also where I struggle the most of self and like living selfishly and living narcissistically and just so much angst and struggle. She said, yes, our strength is where the fall hits the most and because also that is where God redeems us the most. When we tap into the holy spirit, we tap into God and connect with him. That is where He can show His power, His love, His compassion, and that is where we can grow the most. So I just feel like I have been overloaded this week with similar messages of letting go of what I thought was my purpose and worth and just allowing God to show me how slowing down and how being a mess and being sick and not being able to produce is okay. In fact, it’s life. In fact, I feel like I grew so much in the last few weeks. I felt like it was a huge spiritual experience.

So that’s why I was like, oh my gosh, is COVID one of the plagues in Exodus where God uses it to teach people really hard lessons? So I kind of want to put that challenge out to my listeners. I want to challenge you to think, how has COVID impacted you in a way you wouldn’t have been impacted? I know it’s hard and it sucks and I’m like, what is happening with our world right now and in our state and in our country. COVID has been so discouraging, but yet, have you been able to look deeper and say, what is God teaching me through this and how can I still connect and get deeper in the midst of all this pain and in the midst of all this hardness?

That’s one of my other pillars of this podcast, how doubt, pain and hurt, I call it kind of the trio, the impactful trio is so powerful in our lives and can totally bring out healing and greatness in us. So to me that was COVID. Now not that I want to go back and do that, but I was just, it was a spiritual experience more to the end, not in the middle when I’m like freaking out thinking I’m going to die. It’s so much pain and not able to be there for my family or anyone. Like, not that part. This is me a week after looking back and so that’s what I want to ask you whether it’s COVID or whatever the pain you’re going through right now, is there something God is inviting you into, a deeper place that you can connect with Him, a deeper place that he’s inviting you to, to just even be, and to allow Him or your authentic community to show up for you?

Where can you allow that space? I do feel like we need to slow down to connect with God and others. Where are you needing that? Where’s your invitation? What are you hearing through all of this? So that is what I wanted to share with you all. That is what was on my heart today as I was able to walk, it’s been awhile since I’ve done a hike, it’s probably been three or four weeks since I’ve been able to take a longer walk and it was super powerful and I just had to get on here and share my thoughts. I wish you all the best in your discovery and in your curiosity of what is God inviting you into.

Feel free to let me know what you hear, what you think. I would love to hear what the invitation is you’re hearing. Send me an email, dawn@faithfringes.com or jump on Facebook or Instagram and put it there. I’ll be posting some things on there about this episode and I’d love to hear what you are hearing. So thank you for listening. Thank you for your time. And yes, my true desire is that you will just be curious about what’s God inviting you into. What are you hearing?

Thank you for listening today at Faith Fringes Podcast. If you want to explore more of your own faith journey, I offer my free eight-week email course called Spiritual Reflections, where you take a deeper dive into your own story included as a journaling workbook that has guided exercises. So if you want to explore more of what you were brought up to believe, or even look at where you may have been disillusioned or hurt, but yet still deep down you desire to authentically connect with God, then this course is for you. Just go to faithfringes.com to sign up. .

Also, I love hearing from my listeners, drop me an email and tell me what’s on your mind. You can reach me at dawn@faithfringes.com.

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