WHAT IS SOUL CARE? SOUL CARE SERIES PART 1 OF 4 | EP 32

[DAWN GABRIEL]
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Hi, I’m Dawn Gabriel, host of Faith Fringes Podcast, recording live from Castle Rock Colorado, not only where I love to live, but I also work as the owner of a counseling center in the historic downtown. This podcast is a place to explore more than the traditional norms of the Christian culture. For those desiring deeper connection with God and engaging their spirituality in new ways, this will be a safe place to allow doubt, questions and curiosity, without judgment. We will be creating intentional space to listen in on other’s faith journeys, whether that is deconstruction or reconstruction, with the hope of traveling alongside you on your own spiritual path. If you’re interested in getting even more out of this podcast, grab my free email course Spiritual Reflections on my websitefaithfringes.com. Welcome to the podcast.

Hello and welcome back. This is Dawn Gabriel, your host. Today I hope you’re having a great day. We are going to be talking about what is soul care today and why is it important for you to pursue soul care for yourself personally? And maybe what’s the difference between soul care and self-care. I have been studying soul care in the last three or four years. I really started diving deep and actually just experiencing it myself on many different levels and really intentionally changing some of my rhythms and my practices to integrate it more into my life. I’ve loved learning about it. I feel like it has made my experience with God richer and more are personal and more inviting and experiential. So I will be sharing some of those stories today, but I wanted to just kind of break it down because a lot of people are like, what is soul care? I hear it and I don’t understand the difference.

o I do want to just take some time to talk about what soul care is and what it isn’t and would love to just share that. And for those of you who’ve been listening, thank you by the way, I have so much appreciated you listening. For those of you who are new, and this might be your first episode, thanks for jumping on. I hope you are enjoying it. I’ll share a little bit about my background so that you can know where I’m coming from, but for those of you who have listened to me for a while you know a lot of my background, so maybe you can skip ahead for 30 to 60 seconds.

For those of you who don’t know my background is I became a therapist about 15, actually now it’s 16 years ago and about six and a half years ago is when I started my own group practice. I had worked in private practice, I had worked in teen, residential, I had worked in a county jail, I had worked in a psych hospital. So I had had a lot of background in mental health before I started my group practice. Even backing up further is part of my background is I have a master’s degree from a seminary. So my background is the Christian faith and I grew up kind of in that conservative evangelical role or I mean world and culture.

I would say after I graduated before my masters is when I started deconstructing before I knew what the word deconstructing meant. I feel like that’s been a popular word last few years. I would’ve never named it as that, but that’s what I was doing. I started deconstructing my faith, deconstructing the Christian Church and realized I needed to kind of get away from some of the conservative mindset and more so looking at religion as a to-do list and like a performance level. And I feel like there’s a lot of shame in some of those culture and I needed to walk away from that.

I just felt myself being drawn to be more authentic and more real about what was going on in the Christian journey. So that’s when I started deconstructing. I felt a lot of freedom to be real with God. For some reason I never really, I mean I went back and forth doubting His love, but I would always come back to grounding on that, that He’s big enough to handle anything I bring to Him and He wants us there, even though I might feel shame or I might have screwed up. But that’s exactly, He’s fine with that to come to Him, however we are. And sometimes, in communities, in the Christian culture, it’s not always presented as that, or it is, but then the culture and the community don’t act the same There’s a lot of judgment, a lot of talking behind backs and there can be a lot of pain and hurt there.

So that is what I walked away from in my twenties and even in my thirties. So fast forward to when I was a group practice owner, which has been the last six and a half years here in Colorado I found myself, I had two small kids, maybe about four, two to three years into it. I had two small kids and I was seeing a ton of clients and I was running a practice. I just felt like my life was running way too fast and I felt exhausted. I felt like my kids and my husband were getting the worst part of me and I was giving everything else to my clients and to my group and my business.

I just knew that wasn’t the value of how I wanted to live and I found myself not even, I mean, not even considering what God wanted for me all the time. It was very, my relationship with God was very touch and go. I would say I had a lot of perinatal or postpartum anxiety and when I was pregnant, had a lot of anxiety. So I did fight with God a lot during those times, but then when I became a mom, I felt like so much overwhelmed that I just went full speed ahead and I would forget to check in with God. I’m just being honest here and letting you know my experience. So, but I knew like this is not how I want to live. This is not how I want my relationship with God. I know there has to be more.

I would read the Bible and it just wasn’t cutting it. I would try to read books, I’d try to go to church and I just, it was almost like, it felt like depression, but only in the spiritual realm and then obviously running full speed ahead. So anyway, I started, I’m trying to remember when I first figured out soul care. I heard about a soul care day at Potters In, and this is when it was in Colorado. So it was only like an hour and a half from me and I heard that this was a great place to go and it was a day off. I’m like, I need a day off. So I took the kids to school and daycare and then drove the hour and a half and sat there.

It was just about 10 or 15 people and then we had two spiritual directors and they let us in a time of Le Divina. I may be pronouncing it wrong. I’ve heard a few different pronunciations, but for me, that’s what I say. It basically means a divine reading or a spiritual reading. It’s actually an ancient practice of how you read the scriptures and it helps you listen and pray through the scriptures and it promotes a deeper connection with God. It’s very experiential, even though it sounds, it might not sound like it when you’re actually having someone lead you through it and experiencing it. It was super profound for me. The first time they read it through, they just want you to listen. You would just listen and just notice if like a word or a phrase pops out at you or kind of you take notice.

Then the second time they read the same passage and you reflect on, like you kind of immerse yourself into the passage and you kind of reflect on who would I be in this passage or where am I, and what am I feeling, like the five senses almost. What am I hearing? What am I smelling, tasting? And you kind of dive in and try to engage in all the senses while you’re in the passage. Then the third time it’s read the same passage is read, you kind of move into a space where you’re having a conversation with God and ask Him what might an invitation be here? What’s the invitation from God? Am I hearing anything?

Then the fourth time, you kind of just kind of rest on maybe what you heard the invitation and just kind of be with that and also just notice what else comes up. So they did that and it was so powerful. It was very different than just reading the passage once and listening to a sermon on it. And to me that was very head knowledge of God, is when I listen to sermons, I read tons of books. I have a degree in theology. For me, that was very in intellectual and in my head. But when I actually immersed myself this way I felt God show up. It was very experiential, very connected. To me, I was like, what’s happening? This is huge.

Then later that day we went on a hike by ourself. You just had a lot of time to just kind of be. And I just really felt like creating that space of slowing down and just saying, God, let’s just be. I felt, God, then give me this invitation while I was hiking, “Just walk with me, Dawn. Just walk.” And that’s been a pretty in consistent invitation He’s given to me for the last two to three years, just walk with me. To me, it was just be. You don’t have to perform, you don’t have to do, I just want to be in your presence. And that is what started my pursuit of, I got to know more about this soul care. So since then, I kind of sought out some spiritual directors and some of them have been on the podcast and you’ve heard from them. There’s some great episodes on it and you’ll actually get to hear specifically from my spiritual directors.

It’s been amazing. It’s been a different journey and it’s different than therapy for me. Sometimes therapy is so focused on the anxiety or the depression or the trauma. And I felt like some therapy wasn’t as integrative with spiritual, which is what I so desperately wanted and needed because it was a value on my life, in my life and a value that I wanted to build on.

So soul care, let’s get into that more. What are the differences? I just mentioned, it’s not therapy, although it can be integrated into therapy. And in fact, a lot of my therapists at my center do that. But why is it different than therapy? Why is it different than self-care? So what is it? So let’s talk about what it is. So I believe soul care is caring for the whole person, mind, body, spirit, altogether. And with that, there’s a spiritual focus as one of the grounding value. That’s where it becomes different than self-care. With self-care. It’s something you can do on your own, like I’m going to go on a hike and I’m going to relax and I’m going to have boundaries set and I’m going to sleep better, have better sleep schedule.

It’s more something you are in control of. With soul care. It’s based on God, it’s based on Him being in charge, of Him showing up and interacting with you, the connection to the spiritual, the connection to this other being who is way more powerful than us. So some of you might not believe in God or some of you are still questioning that. That’s fine. Just go ahead and kind of sit with that and about it. For me, I’m talking, I will use the word God, and it is based on a Christian faith. So I am also talking about the Holy Spirit and Jesus. Often I find Jesus show up to me in my soul care moments. I feel like sometimes Jesus is more easier for me to connect to on a compassion level.

It’s just how I view it. It doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. I just view Him as the compassionate one, even though I feel like God is also that for some reason, maybe it’s still left over from growing up. Sometimes God is not, to me not as drawing in. So either way, whoever shows up to you, I want you to just sit with that and think, what would it look like to invite God into this space that I’m creating and just to connect, just to slow down and be. And I think so many times we get confused with doing. A lot of times people we’ll say, and this is actually what I learned from Potters In. They often will connect the church and spiritual life are equated with attendance or involvement.

And actually it doesn’t even have to be that. Like I have found more connection outside of church. Honestly, I find more connection in the mountains, out in nature, that’s when I connect the most with God. And we have to look at all aspects of our life, not just going to church. That’s where I’ll do soul care. It’s not like I’m going to the dentist to work on my teeth or I’m going to the doctor for my physical and then I go to my CPA for financial. No, soul care is like a paradigm shift and views it all of life as spiritual and interconnected. And again, the difference is that God is in the midst of that and there’s a spiritual being in charge, not you. Because you can come empty, you can come stressed, you can come chaotic. You don’t have to worry about doing anything.

There is something someone else in charge. So it’s just an invitation to rest, an invitation to be. So a lot of it, the part that you are in control of is you creating that space and the time and the intentionality of allowing these things to show up, like allowing you to get to that space where you can open yourself up to this spiritual connection and this soul care.

I’m going to read some quotes that I feel also help describe what soul care is because they say it better than I could right now. So this one is from Dallas Willard in his book, “Renovation of the Heart.” He’s an older, I mean, he’s no longer alive, but he is a great Christian author and had such great nuggets of truth and knowledge. So I want to read his quote here. He says, “Our soul is like an inner stream of water, which gives strength, direction and harmony to every other element of our life. When that stream is as it should be, we are constantly refreshed and exuberant in all we do, because our soul itself is then profusely rooted in the vastness of God and his kingdom, including nature, and all else within us is enliven and directed by that stream.”

So I just love that, the way he talks about our soul as an inner stream of water, which flows out to everything we do. But when that stream is connected and constantly refueled and refreshed by God, it’s able to give way more abundance to everything around us. So that’s the difference and that’s what I was needing in my life, was I’m exhausted. I’m pouring out and nothing is pouring in. Even the usual things that would pour in and fill me up, weren’t working so I knew I needed more spiritual. I knew it was a spiritual thing.

Here’s another quote from CS Lewis. He says, “You do not have a soul. You are soul.” I love CS Lewis. So succinct in that one. Another of my favorite spiritual mentors is Larry Krab”I. He writes, it never comes naturally to eagerly pursue an encounter with God or spiritual community where people are known, explored, discovered, and touched or transformation that makes us more like Christ. If we don’t think about it, we’ll chase after goals that come naturally, material affluence, personal and physical comfort and socially acceptable effectiveness and arranging for the life we desire.” That one kind of kicks me in the butt. Like, if we don’t intentionally, he’s basically saying it’s not easy. We have to go after it. We have to pursue this deeper level of care for ourselves.

It’s not natural because our flesh, our humanness will go after goals that just make us comfortable. And guess what, this whole thing with my podcast is not comfortable. I talk about that all the time, edge work. We have to get uncomfortable for change to happen and for deeper things to grow. So that’s a little bit about what soul care is. So let’s kind of make it more applicable to you. Let’s get real about it. What brings you that deep recovery, refreshment and renewal? I’m not talking about binging Netflix or taking a spa day away. Those things are great and believe me, we need those things, but does that really get me refreshed on a soul level? No, but at least it doesn’t for me.

Does it help? Oh yes, I would do it every week if I could. So some things to kind of think through, as you’re trying to figure this out is where do I feel connected or disconnected? Where am I thriving or am I just surviving? Where am I feeling freedom or hurried? And I’m doing the opposites here and what, do you know your limits and are you pushing up against them in a negative way where you’re just exhausting yourself? Are you honest about being exhausted and feeling drained? Who are you honest with that? What energizes you like nothing else? What refreshes your spirit, your soul? And how does your faith, your belief system inform your soul care?

So I know some of those are deeper questions that might take a while and I can put those in the show notes so you could probably journal about them. And again, this is me after three years of really exploring this. This was not, I figured it out in the one soul care day. No, I spent three years researching. It’s not like I’ve arrived either. I still have weeks, months that I’m not engaging the way I want to in soul care. But I do believe it is an intentional practice I want to integrate more into my life.

So another thing is, if you do know, why aren’t you intentionally practicing it? If you do know, like what is preventing you from intentionally practicing soul care? Spend some time on that question. For me, honestly, there was some fear and shame that if I walked in empty, God was going to be disappointed. Now, when I really thought about that and came up with that, I realized it had nothing to do with God. That was my own false beliefs, but that was keeping me from Him because when I really did show up empty and full of shame or something, or not even shame, anything, He always responded lovingly and accepting without condemnation. So I felt like that shame is kind of the enemy’s way of keeping us from really engaging in a deeper connection, soul connection with God.

So why is it crucial? Another question, and these are kind of things to ponder and journal about, why is it crucial for me? Why can’t I just do self-care? Again, it might not, some people, this might not matter to them, but to me, I knew that I was designed with a soul and that there was always this deeper level I was longing for and nothing filled that until I discovered soul care and connecting to God on a deep level and experiencing Him, like an experiential, like a relationship. I know I’ve talked, I knew growing up, I talked about relationship with God but I’ve always longed to grow deeper and to really experience Him. So for me, it is crucial to my being and that, I mean, I’ve gone to years of therapy, I’ve worked through trauma, I’ve done EMDR.

I’ve had life coaches and it wasn’t until I experienced a deep spiritual director who kind of, actually my spiritual directors have a blend of therapy and soul care. So they’re able to really get in there. That has been the most powerful change for me and that’s why I’m so passionate about it. So as you’re thinking about it, I want you to really think through what’s coming up, what feels resistant to me and what feels inviting and just notice that without judgment. There’s no judgment here and just really think what, huh, what might I want to try? So a lot of people like to kind of look at, like some of those questions I asked before, like what’s bringing me stress and anxiety about this and what’s bringing me hope and peace? And follow the peace, follow the hope. That’s my suggestion.

I think it’s so crucial to engage in soul care. I think it’s instrumental, especially if you have faith as one of your values and believe. And I think what else can we do if we’re on this journey and we want to dive a little deeper? I think learning and kind of knowing who you really are to God, not who you are to the world, not who you are to even your family or to your work, but who are you to God, really starting there and maybe researching that like internally or reading about it, or just getting in front of God, saying, who am I to you? And question what is this about? And I need to know, I feel like knowing who you are to God is pivotal and kind of asking Him to show up there and helping you understand that.

Another thing is just, do you feel a sense that you are called to go deeper and to connect on a deeper level? And are you dissatisfied with where your spiritual life is? It’s not a sign of something bad. It’s actually a sign of guess what, discontentment leads to figuring things out. I think it’s great. That’s one of the pillars. Doubt, discontentment, curiosity, those are all positive things in my opinion, because that leads you to change and that leads you to a deeper, richer experience.

Another thing to do is engage in your story. What’s preventing you from engaging in soul care? It could be part of your story for me. I had to engaged in what my view of God was based on how it was brought up and not just from parents, but like churches and schools and different ways people were describing God. They were wrong. I had some of those false beliefs still, still to this month. I still have to sometimes come up against some of that past thought life of how I viewed, how the church viewed me. So I would recommend you might want to engage in your story. That you might need a therapist for it. That’s totally okay. Or a spiritual. Again, don’t do this alone. Engage with the spiritual director, engage with a friend who can handle these conversations, just discuss these questions with them, with your friend and just really find someone that you can really talk to about this.

I think it’s huge. Don’t do this alone. Authentic community. Another one of my pillars, like do this with somebody who’s safe that you can really have a great discussion with. Then just engage in different experiential activities. For me, I’m going to list a few here. I’m not going to go through all of them and do them, but I would recommend engaging in them. So I’ve some experiential activities; guided image with someone who can integrate God and the spiritual has been huge for me, the Lectio Divina. Another one soul care days, like taking a day of soul care, soul care retreats, like taking a weekend or a week. I took a week in a spiritual direction training. And that was very refreshing and soul care for me.

So those are just a few. Then there’s plenty of books if that’s how you learn. There’s plenty of books. You can also Google search it. There’s plenty out there. Feel free to go to my website. I have some stuff there. I also have one of my free email course that I offer called spiritual reflections. It’s on my website, fait fringes.com. The spiritual reflections course is free. It’s an eight-week email series. You get one email a week, but each week there is an exercise to do, a journal entry. It also is very integrative into the senses, so like, what are you feeling in your body and what are you thinking right now? It’s very mindful. It slows you down. So it’s just a short email and you get the workbook with it and you can print that out or you can do it online. It’s just for you. It’s a downloadable. And you can totally just work through that.

To me, that it’s kind of a guide to help you engage in soul care and start the journey. It also helps you look at some of your past, like how you were brought up, how your faith journey started, how your Christian journey started or maybe another religion. And it kind of helps you look at that. So I would recommend that as a place to start as well. Again, that’s called spiritual reflections. It’s my free email course. Feel free to get online and get that.

So another thing is just allowing yourself the space to just wonder, is there something more, do I want something more? And just, again, the difference between soul care and self care is, the part that you’re in charge of is creating the space and being intentional and practicing it, but that there’s a spiritual element that you’re not in control of. And it’s actually the best part because you can’t predict how God’s going to show up. That’s the beautiful part of soul care. You can come empty, chaotic, and He still will show up and I believe surprise you.

It’s the comforting true refreshment of our souls that we need. And I just encourage you to dig into this subject. I love it. I love talking about it and I would love to hear your thoughts, your questions. Feel free to reach out to me on email, dawn@faithfringes.com. If you have a soul care book that you’ve loved, I’d love to hear about it. I’m trying to make a collection and I’ll put a on the website of a collection of the books that I recommend. If you have another one, feel free to send it. I’d love to hear it. I’m still researching.

I’m actually going to start doing soul care days. So I’m going to be doing those here in Colorado. We’ll probably start with a hike because to me, I just get really connected in nature and then we’ll probably end, I’ll give more information. So yes, if you’re interested in a soul care day, I can tell you more about it. Email me that you’re interested in that. Or if you’re interested in a soul care retreat, right now, I’m only offering soul care retreats for therapists. That’s where I’m starting. Eventually I’ll be offering them for people who aren’t therapists, but I’m just kind of doing a beta test right now and starting some retreats for therapists. But yes, that’s my passion. That’s what I’m so excited about.

So I am offering soul care days, so feel free to reach out and I will let you know when the next one is. And it’s a day. I usually try to do it in between school hours. So for people who have kids, you could do it in the school day. I might be offering some on a weekend where you would more have to figure out childcare with your partner, but yes, reach out to me, email dawn@faithfringes.com. I’d love to hear your thoughts, your questions, or your resources that you have and what you think about soul care.

Thanks so much for listening. I really appreciate it. Hope you have a good week.

Thank you for listening today at Faith Fringes Podcast. If you want to explore more of your own faith journey, I offer my free eight-week email course called Spiritual Reflections, where you take a deeper dive into your own story included as a journaling workbook that has guided exercises. So if you want to explore more of what you were brought up to believe, or even look at where you may have been disillusioned or hurt, but yet still deep down you desire to authentically connect with God, then this course is for you. Just go to faithfringes.com to sign up.

Also, I love hearing from my listeners, drop me an email and tell me what’s on your mind. You can reach me at dawn@faithfringes.com.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher, or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want a professional, you should find one.